bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This is my gift to your gina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
