yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
