He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
