i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
