you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
In America we eat man semen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
