apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
