Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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