nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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