please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
