I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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