I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
