Jerry, you need to find god
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
