Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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