im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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