Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
