she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
