i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
