So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
