i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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