Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God I need to hump something, right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
