Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
