I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
