Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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