Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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