Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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