im holly from the hills drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
