they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
