at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
