Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
