I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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