Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
