The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
