I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
