Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
