if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
