i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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