Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
