i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
