Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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