She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
