Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
