Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
