so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
