thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
