I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
