I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
