I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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