I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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