o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
