woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
