I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
