Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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