When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
